These days I feel a little upset that I am not in Europe. that I’m not free. that I can’t live with my boyfriend, that my life is going to change. I feel sad. I feel scared. I have a lot of feelings, and sometimes I just want to feel happy. Most of the time, even when I’m trying to do the things that do make me happy, I just feel content, with this lingering feeling of sadness and hopelessness. I have a strong desire to do nothing, to procrastinate and not be productive. I need to learn how to be a productive person again. a happy one. My grandma is 80 now. She’s in great shape and health. I want to be like that at 80. I want to enjoy my life. I need to start exercising. Train myself to be stronger. Lose some weight. I don’t know. This is just my stream of consciousness so I’m positive this won’t make any sense, but that this moment…I just want to be happy. I want to be safe. I don’t want to fear everything.